He's here!! June 20, 2017

My favorite part of pregnancy....

Labor!

Just like any regular ol Monday I was off to my Bi-weekly OB appointment. I had been dialated to 3 cm for a week now. No change. 

Jaxton's heart rate was a little slow and seemed to slow more every appointment. The specialist Dr Bowen insisted a regular birth would be the safest option. Dr. Tamanaha (my new OB) really felt it was time to get this tiny gentleman out. He stripped my membranes and gave me a secret recipe. Yes the infamous caster oil milk shake. She said take this tonight or tomorrow morning and I will see you at the hospital tomorrow. If the baby didn't come naturally he scheduled me to be induced Wednesday.

I went home and called Justin who then left work early to be home. I packed hospital bags, did my nails, cleaned up the house and yes, partook of the shake around 3pm. The Dr. said if it is going to work it will work with in two hours. If my body wasn't ready it wouldn't work. Sure enough five o'clock rolls around and labor starts. Contractions weren't quite close enough together so I insisted we get dinner. 🐼 Panda Express was the craving. After eating we loaded up. Dropped Charlie off to Justin's aunt Mandi and headed the hour for the hospital. At this point it was a very different feeling than labor with Charlie. It was a different kind of scared and excited. Let's just say the statement, "the baby is healthy" has never wore on my mind the way it does now. 

After going back to triage they hooked Jaxton and I up to a monitor and they quickly gave me oxygen and called the ultrasound tech for help. For a regular baby his numbers were very alarming. Stating that they were going to prepare me for an emergency c-section, we let them know the baby has a heart defect. At that point they made all the nessesary calls and finally decided to admit me. It was about 6:30pm when we got there and around 11pm I was moved to a room: The delivery rooms at Banner Dessert are GORGEOUS!!! Of course I'm no hero and I opted to have The epidural as soon as they would give it to me. If I recall correctly I was finally nummed at 1am(ish)

(Not yet on epidural. This is my in pain face)

  At this point my incredible mother-in-law and sister Brenley were there for moral support. It wasn't until around either 7ish or 10ish (I can't remember) that Jaxton made his debut. The nurse said call when I felt pressure. All of a sudden I felt the urge to poop so I called her in and she said DONT MOVE! It's about to come out. Of course I had to hold off until the NICU team could get down and prepared for my warrior's arrival. Then of course the dr needed to be there. Everyone was ready. The dr finally came in and it was show time. Wondering why I didn't do any practice pushes the nurse told him it was right there and she didn't want to deliver the baby without him. He looked down there and I literally pushed once. He said" if you just laugh a little this baby will slide right out. Somebody tell her a joke" the room stayed silent and I remembered my favorite joke of all time. 

So yes I took the task to make myself laugh.

There were two muffins sitting in the oven. One muffin looks at the other and says, Man it's hot in here" 

The other muffin gasps!! "Oh my GOSH A TALKING MUFFIN!!!!"

Of course no one laugh but I did :) and my sweet precious baby was here. Just like I had prepared for there was no direct skin to skin, no holding my baby and enjoying that moment where heaven and earth become sooo close, no baby to distract from the placenta delivery. Jaxton was taken over to the little NICU warmer and checked. What a miracle!! His aorta was working for him!! He choose option. 1!!! Maybe, just maybe we would get to take him home

Not soon enough, I was able to hold my boy. For but a moment in time life was simple. Life was sweet.. he was perfect. 

For but a moment he was my healthy baby boy; 

The rest could wait.

 

  

Get Ready, Get Set,..Wait...

(Warning this is a feelings post. If you are looking for Jaxton's CHD details, visit other posts)

On May 19, 2017 we got to meet Jaxton's surgeon and Neonatalogist.

Appointment one was at Phoenix Children's Hospital at 8am. Justin, his dad, and I walked on in not knowing exactly what to expect. First the kindest woman named Jessica came in and gave us the rundown on what we were there for. She mentioned we would discuss with the surgeon what we can expect after Jaxton is born and ask any questions we may have about recovery and so on. After a few moments of waiting Dr. Vallez entered. He continued to tell us that the details of surgery would surely be forgotten so he would wait to tell us more details as the surgery approached. We were then educated a little bit about him and the PCH cardiac team. last but not least the question and answer portion of the conversation came.

Will I get to bring him home right away? Will his Aorta work? Will he have immediate surgery? Would it be open heart surgery or a different option? Will I be stuck at the other hospital while my family and sweet baby are transferred to PCH? Will I be there when he goes into surgery? Will he get to nurse? Will he have to wait to be circumcised? How long will we be in the hospital? Will we be in the NICU or PICU?...and so on.

Turns out the blanket answer to all of these questions is..."we will have to see what happens when he comes out."
The few things I did learn is Jaxton probably wont need a helicopter ride. An ambulance ride should be just fine. Also, Charlie should be aloud into the NICU or PICU as long as she is healthy. YAY!!!!

However, I quickly realized after just a few of my questions that no one has the answers yet. No one will have the answers til this little man decides to make his grand entrance into the world. It's best if I stop asking questions. So no, I still don't know "How the baby is" All I know is that he is growing and we will find out when he comes out.

Appointment two was at Banner Dessert at 1pm with the Neonatalogist. Here we learned that I will deliver Jaxton, they will do a few things to check him, I will get to hold him for 5ish minutes, then he will be whisked away to the NICU for an echo-cardiogram and other testing. At that point they will call our cardiologist Dr. Jadeikin and plan where to go from there. We should have this information within a few hours after his birth.

 I don't know if it's the end of pregnancy discomforts, the weight of the unknown, or a bad combo of the two, but for the first time in a while I feel a little bit deflated. Yes I am so grateful to know beforehand so that we can have a plan. Yes! I am grateful that he most likely will survive and lead a great life. Yes I am grateful for everyone who has opened up to me about their stories and journey's with CHD's. While I am mostly grateful, I am also ready to get on with it. It's been 12 weeks of wondering and waiting. I'm ready to meet this baby and get on with the show.

As for my life right now I go to Dr appointments at least twice a week. NST(non-stress tests) on Monday's and BPP(no clue what that stands for) on Thursdays. With one more cardiologist appointment at 38 weeks. When I'm not at appointments I'm trying to make it through each day without complaining. I made it a goal to enjoy this last little while before life changes forever again. I remember when it was just Justin and I waiting to have Charlie we realized we would never go back. Now our little family of three has become the new comfort zone and it's about to change again.

I don't know what's in store for our little family but I do know that I'm ready.
I'm done waiting.

But that's not really how God does things is it? I must remember it's in his hands, it's in his time. I must wait. ( hopefully I can figure out how to do that with some sort of grace)

On the bright side I get lots of cute pictures of him :)

A "Small" Problem

Today we had our second appointment with the cardiologist to re-measure the aortic valve and (drum roll please).....it didn't grow enough. :( bummer. He needs an aorta that measures -2 to 2 mm. Jaxton's valve is measuring -3.5 mm  There are three scenarios we can look forward to.

Scenario one: we keep praying and hoping for a miracle that the aorta will grow super fast. He comes out with no aorta problems. Then he would come home with us from the hospital and return to Phoenix children's hospital between 3-6 months old to fix his AV Septal Valve. We have not given up on this option, however we feel like we need to start opening our minds to prepare for the other options as well.

Scenario two: Jaxton comes out with a small aorta but is showing signs of being ok for a little bit. He would then come home with us under close monitoring with lots of equipment for checking....things. I'm not sure but they assured me I would know what I was doing. Then when Jaxton shows signs of not doing well we would go in for the surgery to fix the aorta which would then need to be monitored throughout his life and most likely replaced a few times as a Child. Also of course he would have a separate surgery within 3-6 months for the AV septal valve.

Worst case scenario three: Jaxton comes out and shows signs of unsustainable blood flow. Would then be transferred by helicopter to Phoenix Children's Hospital and have immediate open heart surgery. This surgery basically redesigned the whole heart by using part of the pulmonary vein to replace the aorta, then using other human veins to create a new valve for the pulmonary valve. I think this is correct. (Once again I'm still learning) This valve would have to be monitored throughout his young life as well and most likely replaced a couple of times. Let's not forget the additional surgery that will be between 3-6 months for the AV Septal Valve.

Whew!! That's a lot to take in and understand as a human let alone as a mom. So how am I holding up? Well a few weeks ago a story was shared in church that has been on my mind a lot. I can't remember what it's called or who wrote it. Sorry in advance to the author. It is about three trees 🌲 in a forest. Each tree had a dream to be something amazing. The first tree wanted to be a treasure chest and hold the worlds greatest treasures. The second tree dreamed of becoming a beautiful ship to carry these greatest kings and lords across the waters. The final tree dreamed to stay where it was and grow as tall and beautiful as he could so when people looked up they would remember the creator. One day they all get chopped down the first is turned into a hay holder for animals to eat out of and put into a stable. The second is made into a small fishing boat. The third was cut up into lumber and set aside. The three trees were disappointed and didn't understand.

As time went on the son of God, Jesus Christ came to earth and where was he laid? In the hay holder in the stable. The first tree now held the greatest treasure and fulfilled his dream. The second tree became the fishing boat that Christ was on when he calmed the sea. Again the dream of the tree was realized as he carried the Lord across the sea. And lastly the pile of lumber was used to create the cross which is now a symbol across the land of Christ and the creator.

I'm sure you've figured it out by now, the moral is, in our mind we may have goals and a plan all set for ourselves but God has a different plan to help us be what we need to be. To tie it all together, this is how I feel. Like a tree that had to be chopped down to figure out my purpose! I have always been a dreamer. I wasn't sure what I wanted to be but I know I wanted to be something amazing that made a
difference. I'm sure this isn't the end of my story but now I realize I get to be amazing!i get to be a really good mom.  I GET TO BE A HEART MOM!!

Of course I'm sooooooo sad. Enduring watching a little helpless baby going through multiple surgeries is going to be so hard for me but I recently received a blessing and was blessed with peace of mind so even though I am sad I have this very calm and peaceful feeling inside which I know come from faith. I have absolute faith that God created Jaxton. God has his hand in this and whatever happens is what needs to happen. So when you see me don't feel bad for me. Just smile or  hug me and join me in faith. Where there is faith, fear can not be. God is good and I'm ready to learn what kind of amazing He is going to make me.

Here he is. SO CUTE!!

Some Assembly Required

Feb 20th 2017 I became a Heart Mom.

Two weeks prior I had my anatomy ultrasound which told me.....dun dun duh dunnn....we are having a BOY!!! We were so excited, however the little stinker would not let the ultrasound tech see his heart. Normally this is no big deal so we scheduled another ultrasound for 2 weeks out. I woke up and got ready like any other normal day and went to my appointment. Usually I brave these on my own with Charlie and this day was no different. We went in to the ultrasound room and the tech right away saw the heart, " Perfect!" she said, "just what I need." Then she began to go over and over and over the heart. When she finished I asked (like i always do), "Does everything look ok?" Except this time she responded with, "They will go over everything with you in the other room."

It was at this moment I realized something was up. After patiently waiting in the other room I heard footsteps and whispering (which was also unusual), the Midwife with sullen eyes walked in skipping the "Hi how are you" portion of the conversation she jumped right into it. The 15 words that echoed in my ears for the next week,

 "I'm so sorry, it looks like there might be something wrong with the babies heart."

The strangest feeling of peace and trust in God came over me. It was as if I had an out-of-body experience. I calmly said ok. I didn't panic or seem concerned at all. I didn't even ask a single question. She continued, "At this point I can't really answer any questions for you but I will refer you to a specialist and I want to see you back in 2 weeks. Hopefully by then you will have seen the specialist."

After the appointment was scheduled I scooped up my, now dearest possession, Charlie and headed for home. The calm and rational feeling soon escaped me as I got out my phone to call Justin. Lets just say I lost my marbles there for a while after calling him and some close family members.

So the Dr.s appointments began. All in a matter of 3 weeks I had seen the specialist twice, the Pediatric Cardiologist, the ob/gyn twice, and scheduled more appointments with the Neonatologist and Cardiologist. WHEW!! So many words I never thought I'd need to know.

So what's the verdict?

Well...

My sweet baby boy, Jaxton Henry Hansen, has a few defects, Some more serious than others. Let me see if I can explain (remember I'm still new at this). The first thing that is not a concern at all is his Inferioir Vena Cava-which normally is the big tube that takes in all the un-oxygenated blood from the lower extremities up into the right atrium. Jaxton's does not connect to the right atrium, It goes up and connects to the Superior Vena Cava, which brings all the un-oxygenated blood from the upper body to the right atrium. Lucky for us (and him) all the blood is ultimately ending where it needs to. While this is odd there's no need to fix that. Hurray!!

Next defect he has is called Complete AV Septal Defect. This is where the wall between the Right Atrium and Left Atrium (the top half of the heart) doesn't grow, creating a big hole where the red and blue blood mixes. Also instead of 2 valves he has 1 common valve. Basically what this means is the blood is mixing and filling the lungs with too much blood. If left untreated for too long it can cause lung problems. The surgeon will monitor him and put him on medication to hold off the surgery as long as possible. We can expect to operate anywhere from 4-6 months into his little life.

Jaxton also has Left Atrial Isomerism. I'm not sure exactly what this means except that its going to cause polysplenia-meaning he will have multiple spleens and they may or may not work. His bowels may be turned as well. They will monitor all that when he comes out.

Lastly Jaxton's aorta is measuring too small. This is the Artery that sends all the newly oxygenated blood from the Left Ventricle to the rest of the body. This is the most serious and dangerous problem at this point requiring immediate and multiple surgeries. Our plan for this is to re-ultrasound in 6 weeks and measure it again then plan from there.We are praying for his aorta to grow so we can avoid all of that. For sure we can expect at least one open heart surgery.

So what does a young Mom do with all of this information? First I cried. Then that overwhelming sense of peace came over me again. When Nephi (a prophet from the Book of Mormon) was asked to go get the gold plates from the wicked King and later to build a boat with no tools or knowledge how, he didn't say "I wonder if I will be able to handle that?" He didn't say "why me?" He didn't say "that's too much to ask."  He simply responded with, "I will go and do the things which the Lord hath commanded me."

So to this call from God to bring this special baby into the world I say, I will go and do what God needs me to do. I will be his strength until Jaxton has his own. I will be his voice when he can't speak. I will accept whatever challenges come my way and I will not call my son a trial. He is a blessing and I can't wait to see where this journey takes my family and me.

Baby Jaxton coming at ya June 28th(ish), 2017.
p.s. SOME ASSEMBLY REQUIRED